I’m not that guy, I’m THAT guy …

I cannot tell you who won the Superbowl in 1978 or even who was there. I don’t know what a carberator is, although I am sure it is a part of a car. I cannot tell you which jet engine was the first or which is the fastest. I am not that guy, I am THAT guy.

For the sake of clarification, I am not that guy above. That guy above is the guy who knows about cars, sports, and all things ‘manly’.

I am this guy, or for sake of consistency, THAT guy. I can quote Star Trek, Star Wars, and Marvel. I can tell you that the NASA theorized ion engine would utilize a matter-antimatter fusion that uses ionized xeon gas and would have propulsion equivalent to 1000 times our current rockets. Of course then there is the problem of space debris at those speeds which we would inevitably need to overcome, but its not really rocket … wait no it is rocket science.

If you were to ask me what the fuel injection was for my Nissan Altima, I’d tell you 3.5? 2.5? I don’t know what is a 2015 Altima’s fuel injection? But if you asked me if you could flank that level 11 rogue at level 5 I’d tell you hell no and suggest you might want to get your character the heck out of dodge, the sneak attack alone would destroy you, not to mention his increased crit range and having weapon finesse with his rapier. I can’t tell you the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow, but I will ask EVERY TIME African or European?

My boss once showed me this comic to illustrate we all have a ‘Superpower’, his way of identifying the strengths and weaknesses of individuals in a team. I, of course, likened this to the X-Men or the Justice League, because well I am THAT guy. The guy that questions the why of everything, but hates giving an explanation because it should be obvious. I am THAT guy who corrects your spelling in a text because laziness is unacceptable in literary form. I am THAT guy that believes whole heartedly in the words of Sir Francis Bacon, Knowledge is Power.

I am not a fan of sports, I enjoy the occasional football (American) or Hockey game, but I don’t religiously follow sports. In fact I despise the amount of money a person makes based on their physical ability to run with a ball or skate across the ice. I am a firm believer that Teachers and Professors should be treated as celebrities, because Knowledge is Power.

Do not mistake me, I respect the ability and hard work and dedication that goes into sports, I was a wrestler in High School, I was in theatre, I was a part of the ASB, Peer Mediation, and Peer Leadership programs. I respect athletes, but I respect a knowledge giving person far more, because I am THAT guy, not that guy.

So the point of my ramble today, I am tired of being judged. Men are judged on their manliness, but that definition is so amalgamous that I am not sure anyone knows what the definition should be. Because I am THAT guy, I am sensitive, I am thoughtful, I am sometimes highly impulsive, but I am not macho. I do not run around laughing and joking about sex and the size of a woman’s bust because it’s not me. I am not one to crawl on my hands and knees putting in a floor of my house, heck I don’t even help move my own furniture (this is partly due to injuries sustained in my aforementioned sports), and it frustrates me that I feel the need to explain why I don’t move furniture.

Just as women are judged by their beauty in our society, men are judged by their masculinity, by women and by other men. I am tired of the game, I am a writer, a lover, a philosopher, a thinker, a researcher, but I am no longer an athlete. For the longest time I pretended to be like other men, talking about sports and trying to remember the players’ names, pretending to know more about cars and laughing at raunchy jokes, so I could feel more like one of the guys.

I dislike that because I have more ‘femininite’ tendencies I am considered ‘metro’. Yes, I like a pedicure once in a while, it feels good and I hate clipping my own toenails. I like taking a long bath, it soothes the aches in my back and sometimes it is nice to listen to some music and relax. The very term of metro is demasculinating and it’s offensive. Why cannot it not be, I am a man despite being that guy or THAT guy? Don’t get me started on the hate towards men these days, why can’t we just be? Food for thought. Until next time.


Your friendly neighborhood author,


THAT guy

DJ Morand